We are greeted by a woman, MN, who has made the arrangements for me to visit, as she has lived here for decades and is in good standing with the Thai police. She takes my hand and leads me past the gates, where I drop off the 24 beer for the two guards. After some negotiation and waiting, they wave me through.
We proceed through this incredible ‘town’ of tiny steep dirt ‘streets’ no larger than footpaths winding up and around thousands of bamboo huts, market places. Although many families live their whole lives here, UN refugee regulations stipulate that building material in refugee camps must be ‘impermanent,’ and therefore, these people’s homes cannot have tin roofs or concrete floor to protect against the monsoon floods or the biting cold mountain nights. Some people layer their bamboo palm roofs with plastic bags or bits of cardboard paper to create insulation — it is wholly inadequate. Many children die of the cold and malnutrition, disease.
After an hour of walking up and down winding paths, across tiny bridges and through different areas of the ‘camp’ — through Muslim neighbourhoods, Karen neighbourhoods, past small fields of children playing, we see the ‘orphanage’, a section of the camp where hundreds of parent-less children of all ages live together. We pass a high school, a mosque, a church — all simple huts with small signs indicating their function.
TN is eager for me to meet his ad hoc English language class. Other classes run by ngos with western teachers exist in the camp, but this class is a beginner’s class started by a Burmese refugee wanting to help his people to access greater learning and knowledge – and to stave off the incredible boredom here, the teacher later tells me. He teaches three hours per day to two groups of roughly 20 students. He has no material, except a small whiteboard and erasable pens.
We cross a crude bamboo bridge and outside the school are several smiling Burmese. I wave at the eager students awaiting my arrival, and they usher me inside. We sit crosslegged on the floor and someone places a glass of Sprite and a bun in front of me.
We introduce ourselves – there are students of almost all ethnic minority groups from the surrounding areas: Shan, Akha, Kachin, Karen, Karenni, Mon. They start to pepper me with questions:
- Where are you from? What are your hobbies? What is the language of Canada?
We discuss for about an hour – for most, it is their first chance to practice speaking with a native English speaker. They crave news of the outside world.
- What do you think of our camp? Do you think Burma will achieve democracy?
I pause and weigh my answers, speaking slowly, not wanting to bullshit them, but wanting to offer some hope as well. I say I feel sick in my heart at the conditions that they and all Burmese suffer from no matter where they exist – hiding in Thai towns illegally, forced from their homes and families into refugee camps, oppressed by their brutal government. I say I have no idea whether real democracy will come to Burma, especially as India, China, Thailand and others are aligning themselves with Burma to
get at its oil and natural gas resources… these powerful allies have no interest in pressuring Burma’s rulers to address their human rights records or genocidal practices towards their own people. But, I add, that many people around the world do care and continue to act in the hopes that the Burmese people will one day be free, and that the incredible resilience and determination of the Burmese people in this struggle for freedom must succeed.
- God, I sound so patronizing, I think.
Then, one student asks me: Please, what is your feeling of democracy?
I repeat back his question, paraphrasing, trying to understand the question: do you mean…what do I feel about democracy? He shakes his head. After a few attempts, the class teacher explains:
- Please, you must understand…we have never lived in a democratic country. We want to know…what is it like to live in a democracy… the feeling you have in your country… What does democracy feel like?
What does democracy feel like? I stare at him blankly.
Not… what does it looks like in practice, with voting booths and candidates and elections, proportional representation… What does it feel like?
I have no idea what to say – I have never been asked this, and never thought about it. Democracy is something that I think of as one of many imperfect systems, an important ideal to fight for in places where it doesn’t exist, but also deeply flawed and corrupt, often serving the elite. Not once in my entire life, have I ever stopped to think what democracy feels like. Like the proverbial fish asked to describe the feeling of water, it is impossible for me to describe. My mind is racing a thousand miles a minute: what do I say to people who have never experienced the privilege and freedom I have?
In the few seconds I pause, a thousand half-formed thoughts whirl…
My mind goes to the easy grumbling I could make about Canadians not appreciating the freedoms we have: about low voter turnout, widespread apathy and cynicism, and grumbling about politicians even while we are often too lazy to do anything concrete about it. But I think: how can I tell these people that we are so used to our freedom and privileges in Canada, that many can no longer be bothered to exercise our right and responsibilities in a democracy to hold our governments accountable, to engage with the system and government?
I’ve spent years at university discussing inherent problems in liberal democracies, advocating for people in Canada who are socially and economically marginalized. We have a hell of a long way to go on First Nation’s issues, and so much more…but it would be disrespectful for me to complain about the problems of modern Canadian society, problems which Burmese people are literally dying to have the chance to have…
I have a responsibility to not dismiss any person’s life in this room, each Burmese person I have met who has shared moments of their story, their life.
I think of a man I met in Mae Sot two days ago – imprisoned for participating the 1988 student protests against the government, he was held in five different prisons and tortured for 18 years, before being
released a few years ago, his wife since dead and infant daughter grown and gone. When the Burmese military continued to persecute his remaining family members, he fled Burma to Thailand. He, like thousands of others, lives illegally in Mae Sot, in limbo, a no-man’s land, always afraid that
Thai police will catch him and send him back to Burma. He continues in his struggle for freedom in Burma from the oppressive regime, while existing in the shadows here, unable to know safety. Some of his extended family are also in Mae Sot, where they live in fear because of their association with this ex-political prisoner.
I think of two men I met when I first came to Mae Sot, five years ago. I am helping to teach a French class for migrant workers. One night after class, two students ask if we can continue our discussions of French literature and language. A group of us makes our way to a nearby cafe — the two Burmese men very nervous of police — but protected by the presence of three white people. These two men were students arrested in the 1996 Burma government’s closure of universities and imprisonment of students. Imprisoned and tortured for more than a decade for the crime of attending university, these two men have only escaped across the border to this town ten days earlier. Since arriving in Mae Sot, they seek out all opportunity to learn and to educate themselves.
I think of one of the young students I met today, sitting beside me on a crude bamboo bench in the shade of the hot sun, as we wait for the Thai police to agree to let me walk around the camp — the police are contemplating demanding an additional bribe for my presence…
He smiles at me and says very softly:
- for 15 years, I am afraid of my own government, and I come here three years ago, and now I am afraid of the Thai government…
He laughs, a typically Burmese way to diffuse tension and to mask anger.
- we have no country, no home, no safety, we cannot say anything. Inside, we shout.
He smiles.
Every person I have met in the five years I have been coming here has a similar story to share — villages bombed, Burmese military attacking and killing their families, escaping across treacherous mountain passes, fighting disease, starvation, malaria and the land mines that line the border. Then, extortion, beating, and cruelty from the Thais, who refuse to grant them any status or human rights.
I learn that a few years ago, Thailand stopped allowing people to register as refugees with the UN. I learn the 19,000 Burmese who crossed the border last week have been sent back to Burma against their wishes in a deal the Royal Thai Government made with Burma’s ruling junta.
Back in the camp with the students, I realize that I cannot answer their question properly. I think of how, in Canada, I bitch about the erosion of our civil liberties and how Canada is turning into a police state,
especially for certain minorities…but this is hardly in the same ballpark…on election day, we don’t wake up to machine guns trained on us, and grenades bombing our homes. In Canada, we don’t fear being taken from our homes, raped, and used as forced labour or human land mine detectors by our military until we drop dead of starvation, exhaustion, or are blown to bits.
They wait in silence, staring at me, expectantly. I am acutely aware that I need to respond. I start slowly with the first concrete image that comes to my mind in which my life in my country contrasts starkly with their own:
- In Canada, I say, I am allowed to say anything I want about the government. I can criticize the government freely – it is my right. In a democracy, the people do not fear the government — instead, the government fears the people.
A lump comes into my throat.
(Of course, I know milquetoast-mannered Stephen Harper’s minority government doesn’t actually fear the people in any real and palpable sense of the term. But the enormity of the question is starting to hit me.)
I tell the students that, in Canada, a police officer has no right to ask me what I am doing and to demand if if I am simply walking down the street.
- Here, I have to show my passport every 5 minutes to the police, I say, and everyone laughs.
-Tell us, what is it like when YOU enter Thailand with a Canadian passport? I tell them that I am automatically granted a free, re-newable visa, no questions asked. They all look at each other and shake their heads.
I know that I will never be able to understand a Burmese person’s experience of their country, and the violence they experience at the hands of their own government and Thailand’s. I think maybe what I cannot express to them is my lack of fear, a sense of entitlement, of ‘righteous’ indignation when I perceive injustice, and the freedom to express my outrage.
My response has been inadequate, and I realize I have no idea what the *feeling* of democracy is…and my not knowing speaks volumes.
We break and walk around the camp for a few more hours. We stop at a Buddhist celebration and I pay the required bribes to the head monks. Then I exit the camp, get in the back of a pickup truck and say goodbye to TN, and the other students who wave at me from behind the fence and barbed wire.
The warm night air refreshes me on the two hours’ drive back to Mae Sot. The only other passenger in the pickup heaves his stomach contents over the side of the truck as I watch the full moon rise in the pink sky over the mountains.